ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
