I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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