Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
