girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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