Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
