i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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