I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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