im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
