Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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