Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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