She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
