Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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