Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
