I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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