her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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