I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
