I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
