Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
