Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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