well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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