the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
is that a dick in a sweater?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
