Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
