So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I just shit out all my problems.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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