Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
