Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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