he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
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I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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