nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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