Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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