I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
