I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
