apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize