shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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