jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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