Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
