I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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