Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
