white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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