thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
