Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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