Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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