i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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