Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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