So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
