it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
