whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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