Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Everything about him screamed your future.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
