the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
