we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
