You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
