just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
