We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
