i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize