32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
