So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
