it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
