Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How naked do you want me to be?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
