How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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