i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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