you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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