Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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