and she was petting her beer can
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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