You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
