this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
