The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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