I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
love makes seman taste better
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
