i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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