I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
