In America we eat man semen.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
