I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
