Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
