Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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