I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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