I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
