today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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